The Next Level...

            I was told recently that I need to bust out and go "Buck Wild". I've put some thought to that and I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

            No, my next phase is definitely the Bitter Phase. I am just seething with this corrosive attitude that I want to share with everyone within Spitting Range.

            I have an amazing amount of this stored up I'm discovering. I was so busy being happy for so long that I failed to notice how miserable I really was. What I think about most are the lies. The funny thing is that she was never that good of a liar. But, when you desperately WANT to believe something, I mean with all your heart, it is easy to fool yourself.

            I have danced to that tune for 5 long years. That macabre calliope has finally played its last note. It still makes some dying gasps, but it doesn't even make my toe tap.

            So now I am left with this taste in my mouth (to mix my metaphors here...). I am so bone-weary of the shit I ate for so long that the bile in my mouth is as sweet as ambrosia. I savor it. I roll it around on my tongue before I share it with the world.

            So if in the next couple of weeks (months?), I get some on you, I'm kinda sorry. Or at least, I will be later.

            For now...

            I have a new dance...

 

JHO

SMASH!

 

Meet the Keeper

            I spent most of Friday with my big brother. It was an extremely stressful day for reasons that I will not go into here. Fortunately, the largest part of the day was spending time with my big Bro. We did some window shopping, I bought him a book (“Guards! Guards!” by Terry Pratchett if you’re interested), we saw “Fantastic Four”, we even bowled a few games at Lucky Strikes.

            We had lunch together at Friday’s and talked for about an hour or more. I filled him in on my situation and his advice was that I should go “Buck Wild”.

            Um, yeah.

            Now, understand, my brother wrote the book on “Buck Wild”. If they ever made a movie of his life, it would not only be in the Adult section, it would be labeled “Epic Fantasy”. If Penthouse had a letter on it, he’s done it.

            Then there’s me. Not exactly Buck anything. I was never like that, even when I was single. I’m just not that type of guy, which I told him. That’s when he said it. The single most hurtful, truthful, insightful thing he could have said.

            “You’re problem is, you’re a Keeper.”

            That’s it in a nutshell. I don’t go “Buck Wild”, I get married. He was saying that I should go run around and have fun (Which frankly, picturing myself doing this, just seems tacky), but the problem is that I’m not that guy. I’m not the guy the girls want a fling with. I’m the guy they want around to fix things. To lift heavy things for them. To make them feel secure.

            I’m so fucked.

            My “Buck Wild” days are behind me. It’s not the years (My brother is 11 years older than me), it’s the Mileage. I have been, as they say, “Rode Hard and put away Wet”. And not in that fun way. Simply in the “Used up it’s usefulness” way.

            Thank God for Theater. If it wasn’t for that, I really believe that I would just retreat from society altogether, like so many people I know have.

            My curse is that I’m the type of guy girls don’t want to have fun with, I’m the one they want to Marry. You know, when the Fun is over.

            And, I married the wrong woman. My powers wasted.

            I’m like Batman, if his parents had lived. Does that make any sense? I’m a little frazzled tonight.

 

JHO

Darkness Falls in Orange County

Today were the auditions for the Hunger Artists 10^th annual Halloween Tradition “Madame Guignol’s Macabre Theater: Guignol X”. It is a “Best of” this year, which includes the piece “Gorge Rising” written by Jason Lindner. I played the part of Hank last year in the piece and one of the audition pieces was a monologue from “Gorge”. It was amazing reading those words again. All roles are open.

More auditions tomorrow and then call-backs.

The show will run October 7^th to 31^st. Stay tuned for more info…

 

JHO

A Year & A Day

The simplest answers are oft the right ones.

She simply didn’t love me.

She just admitted it.

I took off the ring.

 

Now what?

 

JHO

**Warning: Wedding Singer Reference**

I was waiting for the elevator today at work. The doors opened and, around, 6 people filed out. All new-hires. I was forced to bite my tongue as I waited for them to exit the elevator, so I could enter. The doors closed and my laughter erupted,

          “Oh My God! It’s Table 9!”

 

 

JHO

The Monster you now see...

 

“I’ve lost all the time that I have in this world

I spent it unwisely, unwisely I say

And I can’t get it back and I can’t move forward

I’m broken, I’m empty, it’s over for me.

 

If I could undo all the wrongs that I’ve caused

Fall to my knees, pray for Swiftness and Just

For I’m just a fool, a fool driven to dust

And the world ain’t gonna change for me.

 

So gimme one more chance to prove these problems and frustrations

Aren’t just manifested memories were destined to repeat

A second chance to prove, I know right from wrong

I swear I’ll do things different

But can’t promise to be strong

 

So come all you losers, you Bastards and cheats,

You vagrants and barflies down on the streets

 

This path to salvation, vindication awaits,

We’re marching on East Broadway Street, tonight!

 

If you could look into this old face,

And try to see the young man,

I swear I once was pretty,

Not the monster you now see.

But, I’ve squandered all my chances

Lost my faith

And took for granted, this life and precious one chance

The Whirlwind I’ll reap.”

 

“March of the Bastards”

Dropkick Murphys

Crazy couple of days...

            On Thursday, I went to the Orange County Fair and saw “Flogging Molly” in concert. Opening act was the Vandals. It may well have been the coolest concert I’ve ever been to. I’d never really heard the Vandals before, but I had a great time. They were so much fun.

            Flogging Molly, on the other hand were just mind-blowing. They did a 10 or 15 minute long jam on “Black Friday Rule”. Simply amazing.

            I got home around 3:30 in the morning, got up at 7 and went to work. Friday night was the start of “24 Hour Theater”…

            4 Hunger Artist writers and myself showed up at the theater at 11pm and drew 5 random story elements. Our challenge: write a short (10 to 15 minute) play by 8am.

            Now, understand my small, but loyal readers. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve written one play. A one-act. That I wrote 6 years ago. It took me nearly a year to finish that.

            Trial by fire. Here were the elements (and what I went through hearing them):

 

            Sound Cue: The Opening chords of AC/DC’s “You shook me all night long”

            Shit, Yeah! I can work with this!

            Prop: A Copy of “The Recycler”

            Hmm, I sense a Mullet in there somewhere…

            Character: Pastor Ed

            Uh, OK. I can work with this. I think?

            Dialogue: “It’s got to be special.”

            Simple enough. I can work that into just about anything…

            Setting: Hogwarts

            Ah, fuck.

 

            Well, Hogwarts became a biker bar called “Hogs, Warts & All” and Pastor Ed became a Biker with a reputation for liking little boys.

            I wrote the entire scene in a couple of hours. It had a beginning, a middle and an end. It had a little story arch and was kind of clever. It was also a page and a half long.

            I spent most of the night fleshing it out. Sleep did not happen.

            Darcy told us that most of the actors who had signed up were women. So, I created Genevieve, a girl looking for Pastor Ed. Then came Candy, the Waitress at the Hog. I heard Mark Palkoner was coming. Cool. Pastor Ed.

            Darcy told me that Jason and Mark wanted to be in a scene together. So, I wrote Lloyd. 4 characters. Not too bad.

            At 8am, Kelly showed up, and we did readings of the 5 plays. The actors showed up at 9.

            Shawnna would be Genevieve (She used the French pronunciation, which is sooo sexy)

            Jason ended up as Pastor Ed (Mark was at work until 4)

            Mark was random Biker Lloyd

            Sammi Stedman was Candy

 

            I hung around for a while, filling in for the missing Mark. Suzie, who danced me into the ground for Marat.Sade volunteered to direct.

            I ended up getting home around noon. I was so pumped that sleep was impossible. 3 Tylenol PM later, I was snoozing.

            The show was at 10:30 (After Hedwig & the Angry Inch).

            It was amazing. There they were. On stage. Doing my little scene. People were laughing at my words. They went crazy at the Dance number (Credit for that goes to Suzie and the cast. It’s far too easy to write “And they danced.”)

            When it was over, the audience started howling. They were shouting my name (OK, they were shouting “Smash!”, but that’s another story (perhaps for www.nstiw.blogspot.com ))

            I’m hooked. I can’t wait for the next one. I want to start writing a full play. About what, I have no idea! Maybe I’ll pull something from a hat.

            Thank you Hunger Artists!

            Thank you, Shawnna (We’ll miss you!)

            Thank you, Jason (The Perfect Perv)

            Thank you, Mark

            Thank you, Sammi (There’s no turning back now!)

            Thank you, Suzie

            Thank you, Darcy (for helpful suggestions)

 

            Now what?

            JHO